As the former President of the Association of Celebrity Personal Assistants (www.acpa-la.com), I’m often asked how personal assistants cope while working in an environment that insists that they be perfect at what they do. My answer is: no one is perfect.

When I worked as a booking agent for the Los Angeles UnifiedSchool system in the late 1970s (scheduling artists to appear in school assemblies in order to showcase their crafts to students), I learned through trial and error about booking people on the wrong day or time, or at the wrong location.

For example, before we put the schedules into a computerized system, everything was done by hand, so mix-ups were just waiting to happen. I remember sending an entire band of Hispanic puppeteers very early in the morning to a school that was already setting up their auditorium for a different performing group… which had been sent by my office also. All of these artists relied on the pay they would receive for each performance they gave, so obviously, on that day, one group was going to be paid and one wasn’t. Oops. It was all a learning process, and my patient and understanding boss gave me the leeway to make those rookie mistakes. This goes to show you, even if you make a mistake, it isn’t the end of the world. Don’t feel like you have to be flawless, because nobody is.

Additionally, comparing oneself to everyone around is a bad idea because different people have different abilities, strengths, etc. Therefore, if someone outperforms you in some area, it isn’t necessarily because you’re stupid, foolish, or anything like that. You may simply be less experienced, so don’t beat yourself up.

One of the ways people give their power away is to talk down to themselves. Don’t ever say, “I’m stupid.” Trust yourself to do the right thing. Know that you’re doing the best that you can right now given the knowledge you have at this moment in time. In fact, everyone is just doing the best they can.

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K is for Kindness

And, finally the L.A.R.K. ends with K for kindness; keep going; kick old habits; and, keep laughing.  All of the above will keep the LARK flying !

Kindness is sometimes tough to find in this business or any other. Yet it’s essential to your mental health and to the health of those around you. Instead of the old saying: “Kill them with kindness” I rather like “Keep them alive with kindness.” Try this turn-a-bout on the old phrase and you’ll find yourself starting to kick the old habits of putting yourself and others down with your words and actions.
If you truly love what you’re doing, I believe the Universe will bring to you people to share the laughter with. People will show up in your life to support you in kicking habits, if need be. I use to be terrible about doing some kind of daily exercise. I have a wonderful friend, Marcie, who lives on a golf course. Every night she walks around this course (the trail is about a mile long!) just at dusk. If you’ve ever been on a golf course you know that the surroundings are beautiful, with old trees, little ponds and flowers everywhere.

Marcie has been my support in making sure I kick the habit of laziness, and making me take that walk with her at least once a week. I highly encourage you to enlist people to help you in the areas that you need the most work. Actually my walks with Marcie cover all the areas of this part of the L.A.R.K. : I keep going no matter what; kick the habit of being lazy; keep laughing as we talk on the walk; and I know I’ve been kind to myself by spending time with my friend and taking care of myself.

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If we pick our moments and don’t rehash the past or act out of resentment or resignation, we can ask for what we want and actually get it. I’ve done it, and the ceiling didn’t cave in on top of me. Like anything else, it just takes practice. We’ve spent so many years practicing being disappointed that it just takes a few times of being told yes before we start to believe we can have what we want. It really is that simple. Here’s an example:

Assistant: “I’d like to talk to you about scheduling my vacation time this summer.”

Boss: “I’m too busy right now. Just send me an e-mail.”

Assistant: “I’ll follow up with an e-mail so we have it in writing. And I’d like to confirm with you now that taking the week of July 4th off is all right.”

Boss: “I’m going to be on Leno that week, right?”

Assistant: “Yes, Leno’s people have confirmed, and I’ve already got your travel arrangements made. I need to make my own reservations so can you give me an okay on my days off?”

Boss: “As long as my stuff is set, that’s fine.”
Assistant: “Great! I’ll follow up with you by e-mail and make sure you have everything you need before I leave the office on the third.”

Using the L.A.R.K method, we’re retraining our mind to accept the new thoughts as true. I knew an assistant who literally had to stand up every day to eat her lunch. She didn’t have a real lunch break! She sorted the daily mail in mail slots (she worked on a large estate), and the only time she was “allowed” to eat was for that half hour while she sorted the mail. Asking to have a lunch break was too scary a thought for her, so she never did. I think she was in that job for five years before she finally left—that’s a lot of lunches. Was it worth it?

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# 4—Old Thought: Make a mistake and you’ll pay for it.

Mistakes are a normal part of life, and you will make some mistakes in any job. But, what’s the worst thing that can happen if do make a mistake and you tell the truth? My advice is, if you do something wrong—break something, double-book an auditorium, or simply forget an item on the list—tell your employer immediately and ask for help to fix the situation. In baseball, a player is considered a good player if he has a batting average of .333—that’s an average of hitting the ball less than four times out of ten tries at bat! It’s not ten out of ten. If you do something wrong, don’t beat yourself up over it—give yourself a break.

A few years ago, my employer had a new personal chef whom we’ll call Dana. Once, Dana borrowed the family car to go grocery shopping. I think she’d been on the job for only three days. While backing out of the garage, Dana scraped the left side of the car, creating a big dent. She came to me in tears, fearing for her life. I took her in to see our employer, Louise, and Louise’s response was, “Well, now you’ve done this big mess up, so you don’t have to worry anymore. Nothing you can do from now on will be this bad. No worries. The car can be repaired.”

New Thought: Who I am is not determined solely by my successes and my failures, or by what I do right or wrong. Who I am is also determined by how I handle my successes and my failures.

Read the entire chapter in Shelley’s book “Dealing with Divas” – click on the link at the right of this page to order now!