Dear Miss Know It All,

Keeping with what will probably be a “Valentine’s” theme for this month, what are your thoughts on “being in love with the boss.” Good? Bad?

Moral Dilemma

Dear Moral,

Oh my. Where to start. Do you really want me to answer this? I guess, if the boss is single and so are you, it’s a non-issue. UNLESS your work place doesn’t allow it. And many do  discourage that.
If either one of you is married, it’s just not a good place for either of you to be. Of course you already knew I was going to say that. What you might be surprised to hear is that I am all for people being themselves! No sneaking around! So if this is really a serious relationship, then I suggest you sit down like adults and have a serious discussion about where you are headed.
Consider all the options: are there  spouses, children and/or others that will be affected by your actions? Of course there are! So make a game plan TOGETHER. Making a plan on your own means the other person is probably not as “into you” as you may think.
If this is one sided, and only wishful thinking, you need to re-think it all. Actually, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with mixing work with pleasure, but if this is all in your head, then what’s the point? Be the smart person I know you can be. Talk it out with the other person, not with an advice columnist!

MKIA

dealingwithdivas@gmail.com

Dear Miss Know It All,

I have been asked by my employer if I would be interested in traveling with her and her family for Christmas to Aspen. My initial reaction was: no way! I am certain she wants me to babysit her adorable twins (age 2) while there,  but I know they also asked me because I do not have family close by.
Here is my dilemma. On the one hand it would be cool to be in Aspen for two weeks living in style; but on the other hand I do have close friends that I usually spend the holidays with unless I am able to afford to fly home (Mid-West). What would MKIA do (WWMKIAD)?

Not home for the Holidays
Dear Not,

This is tricky because you don’t want your employer to think you are ungrateful. However, most people have this time off as paid vacation leave. Is this the case for you? If so, you will have to decide whether you want to spend your vacation time in Aspen or with friends. If you do choose to go to Aspen, ask if this is your paid vacation time, or regular pay. The reason I mention this is that you want to make sure you still have your vacation time coming. Especially if you feel you will be “working” while there.

WWMKIAD? I’d ask your friends what they think, and if they are okay with you missing the festivities this year, then go to Aspen (if your employer is giving you full pay). Have a hot chocolate on me at the ski lodge!

MKIA

dealingwithdivas@gmail.com

Dear Miss Know It All,

How do you handle a situation where the boss is suddenly so enamored of a gal that is half his age and is constantly asking you to send this person gifts, send and reply to personal emails, drop and pick the lady up at the airport, etc?

My job has been for the past few years to handle his schedule, manage his household staff and  of course  answer fan mail and the like. This added job seems weird to me. Shouldn’t he be doing all this himself? Especially if he’s so in love with her. Why am I now working for two people?

Pulled in Two Directions

Dear Pulled,

Someone is seriously jealous of someone.

Look, you signed up to be the Personal Assistant, so this is sometimes part of the job. It could be far worse. He could be married and you are lying to the wife while helping the girlfriend out the back door! I know someone who had to do that!

My guess is that this girl is honing in on your me-time with the boss, and let’s face it, your job is akin to being in a marriage. I am sure you spend more time with the boss than you do with your own family and friends. It’s part of the deal. If it’s that much of a burden on you both emotionally and physically, look for work elsewhere.

Otherwise, swallow your humble pie and be the professional I know you are.

MKIA

dealingwithdivas@gmail.com

Dear Miss Know It All,

I was asked by my boss to help oversee and plan a very large charity event that he is hosting, and which I am actually really looking forward to seeing to fruition. I’ve been working on the event (handling the silent auction entries, sending out the invitations and firming up the guest list) for months now. Recently he (said boss) added two more people to the team who have done events like this in the past to work with me on this final stretch.

Suddenly I am being treated by these people like an idiot. Since they have a lot of experience doing these types of things and I don’t, they feel they can belittle me and basically have made me feel like I shouldn’t have even been involved in this in the first place. I’m at my wits end. Any advice?

Three’s A Crowd When I’m In It

Dear Three,

It’s always amazing to me that people treat others with disrespect. It sounds like you’ve already done the majority of the work. The reality is that YOU have been the glue that has probably kept this all together. You mustn’t let yourself be beaten up by…YOU. All you can ever control is your own actions. The actions of others can sometimes be hurtful, definitely, but unless they are totally undermining you, I suggest you keep your head down and get your job done. If you feel it’s impossible to do this, then it’s time to have a talk with your boss. Tell him your concerns. My guess is that he trusted you 100% which is why he asked you to put the event on in the first place. Perhaps these added people are friends of his that just wanted to pitch in. He may have no clue that you are struggling. Communication here is the key. Talk to him and tell him your concerns. Generally, I have found that telling the boss what is going on usually works in your favor (I know — not always, but most times it does). Go for it. You deserve to be heard! And wishing you success with the charity.

MKIA

I was recently asked to attend a meeting with my boss who was meeting with a very famous celebrity. My boss is a celebrity in his own right but this person [Miss B] is one of those people EVERYONE in the world knows. I was excited to be asked to come along. When we got to the meeting with said Miss B which also included her manager and others, I was asked to leave before the meeting even started. I was told later that my boss wanted privacy. Of course, there was no “privacy”. Miss B had  her mom, two children, manager and house staff there for the entire meeting.
Needless to say, I am hurt and confused. Should I tell my boss how I feel? Since there were more people there than just the two of them, I thought the privacy “line” was out-of-line!
Feeling Left Out

Dear Left Out,

Absolutely! If you’ve read my book, I highly recommend speaking up when issues occur. This is a perfect example. Maybe there was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. The only way to clear the air is to ask. It sounds like you felt deflated and rightly so. Muster up the courage and talk to him and see what he says. Let him know you’ve been a loyal employee and was happy to be there and when asked to leave it made you feel small and useless…and that is NOT ok!

MKIA

I am interesting in being a personal assistant or estate manager. How do I get started?  I feel like a new born babe – help!

Newbie

Dear Newbie,

We all were newbies at one time or another. I look at starting something new as a great adventure! First, do you have any computer and/or clerical background? Are you a college graduate? These things will look great on a resume and weigh heavily in your favor if you are looking to be an assistant. Much of an assistant’s job, actually, is spent sitting at a desk. If you have any concierge or customer service experience, this helps also.
If you feel any of this applies to you, then go to my website and look under the “Resources” page and you will find a list of employment agencies that specialize in placing people as celebrity assistants and/or estate managers.
Good luck!

MKIA

I like giving DEALING WITH DIVAS as a gift. When are you going to have your “Buy 1, Get 1 Free” special again?

Blatant Marketing Ploy

Dear BMP,

Why thank you for asking! The 2 for 1 sale is every August, so be on the lookout at the end of July for the announcement. (Meanwhile, why not buy a couple to have on hand?). You can order at my website or on amazon. If you order it on my site, I will personally autograph it for you.

MKIA

Dear Miss Know It All,
Your special skill seems to be answering questions about working with difficult people, also known as divas. But can you address those divas in our lives who are not our bosses or peers? I have a mother-in- law that drives me crazy! Any advice?
It’s All Relative

Dear Relative,

Where to start?! Yes, divas and divos are in all parts of our life, not just at work. If you’ve read my book then you know about the LARK method. The LARK works with relatives too but sometimes we give them too much power and, therefore, we stress more than we need to about approaching them when we have issues. L = Listen. When your mother-in-law speaks, is everything she says negative or are you the one with the negative self-talk? A = Ask for what you want. If she is dropping in unannounced, tell her that you would like a call first. Also, ask your partner for backup! R = Relax. Take a deep breath and count to ten if even just her name causes your blood to boil. K = Kick the habit of thinking about her constantly as a problem. Give her the benefit of the doubt and just keep smiling when- ever she is around. That will keep her guessing!

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”

MKIA

Dear MKIA,

Who are you and how can you anwer all these questions? Maybe I should do this job!

Snooty

Dear Snooty,

Oh my. Not quite sure how to answer this except to say that I have many decades of experience in working with people in the entertainment business. I found over the years certain patterns in people’s behaviors and have been asked my advice on how to deal with different situations based on what I’ve done in my own life. If you want to start an advice column and give me a run for my money, go for it! The more the merrier!

MKIA

Dear Miss Know It all,

How do you handle a situation where the boss is suddenly so enamored of a gal that is half his age and is constantly asking you to send this person gifts, send and reply to their personal emails, drop and pick the lady up at the airport, etc?

My job has been for the past few years to handle his schedule, manage his household staff and  of course  answer fan mail and the like. This added job seems weird to me. Shouldn’t he be doing all this himself? Especially if he’s so in love with her. Why am I now working for two people?

Pulled in Two Directions

Dear Pulled,

Someone is seriously jealous of someone.

Look, you signed up to be the Personal Assistant, so this is sometimes part of the job. It could be far worse. He could be married and you are lying to the wife while helping the girlfriend out the back door! I know someone who had to do that!

My guess is that this girl is honing in on your me-time with the boss, and let’s face it, your job is akin to being in a marriage. I am sure you spend more time with the boss than you do with your own family and friends. It’s part of the deal. If it’s that much of a burden on you both emotionally and physically, look for work elsewhere.

Otherwise, swallow your humble pie and be the professional I know you are.

MKIA