Dear Miss Know It All,

My partner was contacted on Facebook by a friend we haven’t talked to in 15 years. Typical for Facebook, right? Well, said friend has shared with my partner that I slighted his son over 15 years ago in a conversation I don’t even remember and they’re still holding a grudge about it. All because I apparently insulted him and to this day he has never forgotten what I said – I don’t even remember the incident!

At first, I was upset that I could have affected them negatively for all these years. But I feel now it’s just a big “so what.” I would like to respond to him. Any thoughts?

Blindsided

Dear Blindsided,

Well, a couple of different things are going on here. First, we NEVER know how what we do or say affects someone unless they tell us. So all we can do everyday is just be ourselves. If we spend every moment looking over our shoulder it’s exhausting!

Second, the person who was “wronged” must want to get some- thing out of revealing this to you all these years later. Why would they  bring it up? Because they are the lesser person, unable to let it go. Resentment is drinking a glass of poison everyday – this person needs to grow up. You didn’t “effect him negatively” – he did it all by himself.

Of course you can’t say that. Is it THAT important that you talk to them? Have they reached out to you personally to ask for a conversation? If not, I would let it go.

If you absolutely feel you must talk to him, I would make it a simple response. “I understand something I said many years ago upset you. I am sorry to hear that.”

Miss Know-It-All