Ever been on a bad job interview? You know, the ones that have you smiling politely on the outside all while scanning the room for the quickest escape route. Yes, I admit I have been on some doozies which had me looking for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and yell, “You’ve been Punk’d.” But since I’m a personal assistant used to being behind the camera, I know it’s really just another indication of a bad job. Top 5 Worst Personal Assistant Job Interviews

Number 5: Everyone is stupid.
After a 3 hour interview in which this notorious employer talked nonstop about how big their house was (i.e., “I’m very rich.”), how they monitor every staff member at any given moment (i.e, “I’m very anal.”), and how stupid the rest of the world was (i.e., “You’re probably stupid too, but everyone else quit.”) the employer finally looked at the candidate for the first time and asked if there were any questions. “Yes,” the candidate stated, “Can you tell me, how would I know I was doing a good job for you?” Without pause the employer replied, “When I’m not yelling at you.”

Number 4: Paying to interview.
A job candidate was asked to meet a well-known music artist at an upscale hotel lounge. The artist arrived and ordered a drink and meal. The candidate ordered an ice tea. Due to the fact that the artist was “saving their voice,” peculiar since this artist was not on tour, the artist conducted the whole interview by writing questions and answers on a piece of paper. After the interview and with another interviewee waiting in the wings, the candidate made a half-hearted gesture to pay for their ice tea although the check had not yet come. Instead of waving off the candidate’s effort, the artist indicated that the candidate could pay for the drink at the bar. “My ice tea was $6 and my valet parking was $10. It cost me $16 plus gas to interview!”

Number 3:  Don’t speak.  Ever.
This job interview process took four months and included several phone  interviews a written essay I.Q test personality test background check in which they called all former employers going back 10 years and several  in-person interviews with HR     the Senior VP the CFO and finally the COO.  After “passing” everything the COO asked “Would you like the job?”  The candidate replied “I’d like to meet the CEO the person I’m suppose to work with first.”  “That’s not going to happen,” she  responded.  “I can come back when he has the time,” the  candidate said.  “No, you don’t get it,” the COO stated. “You’re  going to be his personal assistant only you are never to speak to him nor will he speak to you.  If you want to ask him something for example what he wants for lunch     you’ll ask me.”

Number 2:  Look in the closet.
The job seemed fine on the surface but all attempts to ask a question of the current assistant who was in on the interview was thwarted. When this famous employer stepped behind closed doors to take a call the current assistant proceeded to break down.  “I can’t stand  it!  Look at this,” the assistant said and opened the closet door.  It was full of identical desk phones.  “These are replacement phones for when the boss throws one at you.  You’ll  work 60 hour weeks, weekends, all with no overtime pay or lunch hour,” the  assistant said tearfully.  “My shrink tells me I must leave because  this job has crushed my spirit.”

And the worst job interview goes to….

Number 1:  It’s all in the name.
Towards the end of the interview this prominent female employer leaned  forward and said “I like to swear.  I hope you don’t mind that I  call you a c*nt every now and then,” the employer said.  Without  pause the candidate replied “Not as long as you don’t mind that I call you one.”